Today’s my mother’s birthday. She lives in Florida now and our relationship hasn’t really been great for the last few years. When my father died, things got a little crazy between us. . . . We’ve had our share of ups and downs. Although, despite all those ups and downs, I have realized that the one thing that will never change is that I love her. And she loves me too. We don’t always understand each other. . and we certainly don’t always agree with one another, and I’d venture to bet we’d say that we even don’t like each other from time to time, but one thing I am now sure of is that we always love each other. Becoming a mother has completely changed my viewpoint about my relationship with my mother. In an instant you become part of a club that is a complete mystery up until the moment you hold that little baby in your arms for the first time. It’s at that instant that you learn what they mean when they say. . . “only a mother’s love”. Being a mother can be a thankless job at times, but there are moments, that although few and far between, make everything about this whole experience worth the while. So today, I will attempt to share with you some of the most wonderful things MY mother’s love has done for me over the years. . . .My mother kept a great baby book – full of wonderful memories of her hospital stay, the flowers and gifts and phonecalls when I was born, what my father said first, and much more. It has dates of when I had my first smile and even my first sentence- its all in there! It’s been the inspiration for the scrapbooking that I do today – I consider it my attempt to create that sense of importance for my children that she gave to me.
My mother had an amazing way of being successful in her career as a real estate agent without compromising her family life. If you asked me if my mom worked, I’d say yes, but then I’d have to tell you that I don’t remember when. I know she was there when I got on the bus every day and she was there when I got off. In fact, other kids came to my house before and after school and she watched them. And, when it came time for high school, she changed jobs so that she would be able to keep that balance. You see, she knew she’d have a hard time saying no to clients so she’d be able to go to my lacrosse games or my sister’s band competitions and she didn’t want to miss out on those things. Those small things make all the difference in a kids life. . .and even more of a difference now that I have to keep those same priorities in focus with my own family.
My mother came to pick me up at 1:30 am from a New Years party when I was in 10th grade. Yeah! Who’s mom does that? I was SO MAD! So mad that she wouldn’t just let me spend the night like all of my other friends! You know what, that was and has been noted by me and my friends (also now moms ) as one of the best things my mom ever did. She stuck to her guns despite all of my arguing and man I remember putting up a good fight. But, she wouldn’t let me stay over because she didn’t know the family – turns out some pretty bad stuff happened after I went home and many of my friends have horrible memories of that New Years as a result.
My mother has a gift for seeing the strengths my sister and I have and guiding us towards using those different talents. Whether it was me playing lacrosse or my sister’s artistic talent, she knew how to guide us in the right direction to provide us with the most opportunities for success. In fact, she took us out of Catholic school and put us into public school in 7th grade which provided us with far more opportunities than a Catholic education would have at that time. She also helped me put together a “best of” video from all my lacrosse games in high school to send to each college I was applying to since I was hell-bent on playing lacrosse at the college level. And in the end, she helped me get to Lehigh where I would surely have the best chance at getting a good job out of college. No matter what the decision, she always knew how to guide me in directions that would provide me with the best opportunities. My hope is that I have the ability to see where my children’s strengths lie and guide them in the right paths to success without ever forcing my hopes or dreams on them the way my mother has done for me throughout my life.
My mother read my diary when I was in college because she knew there was something wrong and couldn’t figure out what it was because I never opened up or talked to her. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I hated her for it back when it happened, and I am sure I let her know that too. But today, I sit here realizing that when you love someone that much, you will do ANYTHING to help them and I am thankful that she loved me enough to not just let me deal with those problems on my own. That year she also took me away to Aruba and it was the best vacation I’ve ever been on. I say this knowing that my husband always cringes but in fact, this was the only vacation where I truly rested each day and each night. Never before and never since have I relaxed so thoroughly and I am so thankful for how special she made me feel taking me on that trip just the two of us.
My mother understood that I would find and create my own relationship with God and allowed me to join and attend a Presbyterian church in high school even though she raised me Catholic. Instead of trying to control this aspect of my life, she let me figure it out on my own and come to God in my own time and in my own way. I found God’s love much earlier than I otherwise would have and made friendships that have lasted my lifetime all as a result of that decision. She let me choose my own path and I am very grateful for her open-mindedness during that time of my life.
My mother knew that having the family together for meals was important. She made breakfast for our family EVERY weekend. When she was here last year staying with me when I had Sydney, I clearly remember the nostaligic feelings I got waking up to the smell of French toast. I loved it because it brought me back to a time when life was simple and breakfast just happened without any effort on my part. And it didn’t stop with breakfast, my mother packed me a lunch in a brown bag for school everyday. And dinnertime - we were fortunate and always did dinner together. I know now that there is something so important that happens in a family when you spend that time at the end of each day together. I am so appreciative that my mother modeled that for me since I think it makes all the difference in keeping and raising strong families.
My mother always wrapped my birthday presents in birthday paper (even though my birthday is 12/26) and always made my favorite dinner, lasagna. Even now, she knows how much I love that for my birthday. Last year she was up visiting and things were not so great in our relationship and she still made a lasagna and delivered it to me for my birthday.
My mother has shown me how to have strength and persevere through the tough times. She has taught me that God doesn’t give us anything that we can’t handle with His help. She has helped me get through so many of life’s milestones especially those where I was really missing my dad – like when she sent me Valentine’s day packages when I had no Valentine and when she danced with me at my wedding when I should have been dancing with my dad. She has stepped in to try and fill the shoes of being both my mother and my father and tried to make it feel like we were still a family when all I felt I had was a mom and a sister. She has held my hand through these milestones until I have been able to create a new definition of family on my own which has made all the difference in my healing from the loss of my father. I am so thankful for all of the ways in which my mom has sacrificed her own life for the last 15 years to be everything she could be for me and my sister. I am grateful for her attentiveness and concern despite how it sometimes appeared as meddling and nosiness, because now that I am a mom, I realize that all it really was, was a deep rooted love of a mother wanting her child to be happy, safe, comforted, and secure. And these are all things, I am confident that I will be able to provide for my children because they were provided for for me by my mother.
Mom, I hope you realize how wonderful of a mother you have been and continue to be. . .
Happy Birthday! Love always, Dawn Christine
