Denial. Denial looks at this picture and doesn't see that I am well over double the size of the other two women at this table. Praise God he has broken through the chains of destructive lies that held me longing for food to continue to deal with all my hurts, habits and hangups. Praise God there is a way out that includes not only restoring my spiritual health, but my physical health as well! And Praise God that he broke through the denial and empowered me to do something about the way I felt when I saw the reality of my life as reflected in this picture.
THIS picture really messed with me. These are two ladies I love. We are doing something that I love (scrapbooking). And I enjoyed myself immensely that weekend -- that is until I saw this picture. I sunk deep into a pit of shame about how I looked when I saw this picture. That weekend was full of beautiful conversations, loving encouragement and smiles and laughter. It was soooo enjoyable. And yet, when I received this picture after we left our time together, I was left with a scarring memory of my time with these cherished friends. I felt less than. I felt unworthy. I felt inadequate. I felt ashamed.
That weekend was around the time when I was beginning to come face to face with the GI issues I had been having for a few months. It was also right smack in the middle of my fight with God about the way He was choosing to help me with my food issues. I felt God was answering my prayers for relief from my food issues but I wasn't interested in the way in which He was doing it. I was rebelling against the ways in which He was guiding me to turn away from food and towards Him for the comfort I need when emotional stresses, relational difficulties and the worries of the day strike. He was showing me how much food was messing with me.
This picture will hopefully be the before picture I use one day. . .
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